THE MOOSE HUNT
With the 2024 moose season upon us in Ontario I thought readers might enjoy some tongue in cheek penned by ANON, undated.
3:00 a.m. – Out of bed first day of the hunt after a restless sleep.
3:05 a.m. – Assure the wife of moose meat for supper.
3:15 a.m. – Load truck with canoe, rifle, ammo and equipment.
3:30 a.m. – Head for the wilderness and moose country.
4:30 a.m. – Arrive, discover that .22 ammo doesn’t work in my .308.
4:35 a.m. – Return home for needed ammunition.
6:00 a.m. – Back to the bush, raring to go.
6:35 a.m. – Begin calling with my rolled birch bark.
6:40 a.m. – Immediate response to my call.
6:45 a.m. – Stalk while answering moose call for 2 hours through a swamp.
8:45 a.m. – Discover another moose hunter calling.
8:47 a.m. – Suppress urge to shoot moose caller.
9:00 a.m. – Came upon a fresh moose track.
9:05 a.m. – Excited, follow fresh tracks.
9:50 a.m. – Spot moose standing in a clearing.
9:52 a.m. – Shoot, moose goes down.
10:00 a.m. – Pay farmer for his horse.
10:15 a.m. – Help remove horse’s harness.
10:30 a.m. – Decide to use the canoe.
11:00 a.m. – Large moose standing on shore.
11:02 a.m. – Stand to aim, canoe tips dumping me into the icy cold water.
11:05 a.m. – Hear a strange noise, running water, perhaps rapids?
11:10 a.m. – Moose urinating and snickering.
11:20 a.m. – Drag canoe ashore to empty; 2 fish inside.
12:00 noon – Lean rifle against a tree and make a fire to dry out.
12:30 p.m. – Snickering moose returns.
12:35 p.m. – Lunge for rifle, trip over the fire and the rifle discharges.
12:36 p.m. – Hole in canoe plus 2 dead fish.
1:30 p.m. – Drag canoe to truck.
2:30 p.m. – Meet Conservation Officer.
2:40 p.m. – Ticket for fishing out of season; canoe confiscated.
4:30 p.m. – Finally arrive at truck.
4:45 p.m. – Porcupine has eaten a hole in radiator hose.
5:00 p.m. – Use cell phone to call C.A.A.
5:05 p.m. – Cell phone battery is dead.
5:15 p.m. – Begin to hike home.
11:00 p.m. – Arrive home; the wife has hamburgers grilled, cold and waiting.