1. Cow Moose With Calf

MOOSE HUNT

THE MOOSE HUNT

With the 2024 moose season upon us in Ontario I thought readers might enjoy some tongue in cheek penned by ANON, undated.

     3:00 a.m. – Out of bed first day of the hunt after a restless sleep.

     3:05 a.m. – Assure the wife of moose meat for supper.

     3:15 a.m. – Load truck with canoe, rifle, ammo and equipment.

     3:30 a.m. – Head for the wilderness and moose country.

     4:30 a.m. – Arrive, discover that .22 ammo doesn’t work in my .308.

     4:35 a.m. – Return home for needed ammunition.

     6:00 a.m. – Back to the bush, raring to go.

     6:35 a.m. – Begin calling with my rolled birch bark.

     6:40 a.m. – Immediate response to my call.

     6:45 a.m. – Stalk while answering moose call for 2 hours through a swamp.

     8:45 a.m. – Discover another moose hunter calling.

     8:47 a.m. – Suppress urge to shoot moose caller.

     9:00 a.m. – Came upon a fresh moose track.

     9:05 a.m. – Excited, follow fresh tracks.

     9:50 a.m. – Spot moose standing in a clearing.

     9:52 a.m. – Shoot, moose goes down.

     10:00 a.m. – Pay farmer for his horse.

     10:15 a.m. – Help remove horse’s harness.

     10:30 a.m. – Decide to use the canoe.

     11:00 a.m. – Large moose standing on shore.

     11:02 a.m. – Stand to aim, canoe tips dumping me into the icy cold water.

     11:05 a.m. – Hear a strange noise, running water, perhaps rapids?

     11:10 a.m. – Moose urinating and snickering.

     11:20 a.m. – Drag canoe ashore to empty; 2 fish inside.

     12:00 noon – Lean rifle against a tree and make a fire to dry out.

     12:30 p.m. – Snickering moose returns.

     12:35 p.m. – Lunge for rifle, trip over the fire and the rifle discharges.

     12:36 p.m. – Hole in canoe plus 2 dead fish.

     1:30 p.m. – Drag canoe to truck.

     2:30 p.m. – Meet Conservation Officer.

     2:40 p.m. – Ticket for fishing out of season; canoe confiscated.

     4:30 p.m. – Finally arrive at truck.

     4:45 p.m. – Porcupine has eaten a hole in radiator hose.

     5:00 p.m. – Use cell phone to call C.A.A.

     5:05 p.m. – Cell phone battery is dead.

     5:15 p.m. – Begin to hike home.

     11:00 p.m. – Arrive home; the wife has hamburgers grilled, cold and waiting.

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