THE DULL MEN’S CLUB
Has the COVID-19 virus rendered the DMC relevant? Were the two made for each other? After all how many ways can you spell ‘boring’?
I used to say “Welcome to my world” when reflecting upon the ‘lock-down’ protocols that affected most of us which involved mostly staying a home and only venturing out for necessities; or, if you were at your cabin in the woods, the necessarium. Talk about time to contemplate your navel.
The Dull Men’s Club, and women who appreciate dull men, share thoughts and experiences about ordinary things. Like watching paint dry or raking leaves. Perhaps it’s OK to be dull. As one member put it, he was “born to be mild.” Another proponent said, “We take our time; it’s a great invention; we like time; it keeps everything from happening at once.”
The Humourist Will Rogers offered that “even if you are on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” Movement is essential. Go snowshoeing or ride your stationary bicycle. I recall a family that hooked their television set up to a generator powered by their stationary bike. If you wanted to watch TV you had to peddle.
“Make haste slowly” or, as Hoagy Carmichael once said, “Slow motion will get you there faster.”
I recall my days at Hart House at U of T. It was a literal and symbolic bastion where male students went to den up. Men only. Female students had the Benson building. Women only. Such solitude – two solitudes, if you will – important for our well being. Of course such is not now the case at Hart House. Can’t speak for the Benson.
The DMC includes authors of such collections as: “The Book of Hedges” and “The Photo Collection of Benches.” One member has sent the same Valentines card to his wife for the past 35 years. Perhaps, by now, it is more.
One night members stayed up until 2:00 a.m. to change their clocks at exactly the right time. In fact, it is actually Daylight Saving Time, not Daylight Savings Time. Of course no daylight is actually saved.
October 30 is Checklist Day. In 1935 a plane crash inspired pilots to create check lists for before, during and after flight.
The DMC website promotes information such as the National Needlework Archive and the Dull Men of Britain calendar which in 2021 features the founder of the Telegraph Pole Appreciation Society in Wales and an English historian who studies manhole covers. Then there was “National Firewood Night”, a program on Norway TV, viewed by a million Norwegians, 20% of the country’s population. “I couldn’t go to bed because I was so excited,” a viewer said. “When will they add new logs? Just before I managed to tear myself away, they must have opened the flue a little, because just then the flames shot a little higher. I’m not being ironic. For some reason, this broadcast was very calming and very exciting at the same time.”
Finland is home to the Wife Carrying World Championship and a video illustrating how to correctly open a door. Apparently one in three do so incorrectly. In England there is the World Pea Throwing Championship. The present record is 44 metres should you need to know. October 10 is World Egg Day and the World Stone Skimming Championships take place in Scotland.
Harvard awarded “Ig Noble” prizes to a Japanese scientist who measured the friction resulting from stepping on a banana peel and a neuroscience award to a U of T scientist trying to understand what happens in the brain of people seeing Jesus in a piece of toast. And from Ramsbottom, Lancashire is news of the results of pudding throwing contested by 1000, observed by 5000. The object is to knock down the targeted Yorkshire puddings.
Then there are nominations for DULL MAN OF THE YEAR. One submission was Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones.
And finally there are the groaners. To wit:
Two brooms were hanging together in a closet. After a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The wedding was lovely.
At the wedding dinner following the wedding the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom.”
“Impossible,” said the groom broom. “We haven’t swept together yet.”
A parting thought – “no matter where you go; there you are.”
To share your thoughts goto: www.barney@thetimetraveller.ca.
Photo – A dull man’s boring tool.