BIA DINNER MARCH 5, 2005
The following was a presentation at the Bancroft Legion.
Good evening. Before I start I would like to point out that the easiest way to stay awake during an after-dinner speech is to deliver it.
By the way, your museum, next to the post office, was built in 1879. While researching my notes I came across this item. In 1929 the Agricultural Society was offering an evening featuring a lecture followed by a dance. The lecture featured slides from the Experimental Farm in Ottawa. The cost of admission? Lecture – 35 cents; Dance- 50 cents. School children – free. That dinner reminded me, by contrast I hasten to add, of the time when Lorne Davy told me that one year they had nothing to live on but turnips before they could get any fresh produce in the spring. Morning, noon and night. I like turnip but…
Sometimes people don’t pay attention to the date at the head of the Times Traveller. Like the time I mentioned that Sunday fishing was illegal. I was warned that Conservation Officer Rick Dodd was looking for me. Apparently he had to spend a lot of time on the phone explaining to callers that they should look at the date on the column. Another told me that his neighbour wanted to know how the ministry was dealing with the muskrat poaching problem at the Conroy Marsh. He hadn’t read the date either.
Well this IS the 125th anniversary of the founding of Bancroft. Of note it is also the 125th anniversary of the vigilante murders of 5 of the infamous Donnelly’s in Lucan (London) Ontario. Noone was ever convicted for that crime. If you think Canadian history is boring you might want to read about this family and how they terrorized the Lucan area.
Before 1860 the government offered 100 acres of Free Grant Land on the Hastings Road at 10 cents an acre. I’m not sure how that qualifies as free.
Madoc was the nearest centre for stores and a doctor. Beaver Creek was called Jelly’s Rapids and the railway going to Coe Hill crossed the Old Hastings Road at Rathburn – to-day’s Ormsby.
Stymers Lake was named after a United Empire Loyalist of German descent, Isaac Stymers and he was a Cooper (barrel maker). The only working local Cooper that I know is John Pilgrim.
Cricket anyone? That was THE game of the times. The Carlow Cricket Club played L’Amable and Bancroft.
The mail came from Madoc to Thanet, near Murphy’s Corners ( see featured photo at begiining) where both horses and drivers changed. The new crew then took the mail through Green’s Corners (then called Walkerville which was the first site of the first shoemaker’s shop) and on to Doyle’s Corners or May-nooth, as the CBC likes to say.
Bancroft, at that time, was known as “The Branch” and then York River before Billa Flint changed it to his wife’s family name. Due, in part, to the variety of power mills (grist-flour, lumber, later hydroelectric) Bancroft soon replaced L’Amable as the largest commercial centre in the area. The L’Amable mill was still present in the early ‘70s and was a good study in the workings of such a mill.
In 1897 THE TIMES editorial pledged to report the RAW NEWS minus “the day’s politically correct, antiseptic, homogenized version” that is becoming so prevalent to-day in history books. Having researched many years of The Times Traveller I probably know more about some of the local families than they themselves.
Heavy grey flannels sold for 25 cents in 1897. People have dropped into THE TIMES to ask for directions to Kelusky’s. “Why?” you may well ask.
“Because the prices are so fantastic.” They hadn’t read the date at the top of the column either.
Here is an excerpt: “Mr. C.W. Mullett of Johannesburg, South Africa, is visiting relatives in the village. Imagine the travel time! (By the way, can anyone explain how Bancroft grew from being a village to a town?) For the first 30 years that I lived here the population never changed. It was always 2400. Now it’s 3500. Overnight! What happened?
As for occupations there were blacksmiths, wagon makers (I taught with a Wagonmaker) tin smiths…Paul Price (Price Ford) once told me that at one time you couldn’t buy a car in Bancroft – whether it be a Durant (made in Leaside), a Whippet, Chev, a Ford – except from a Maxwell. They used to have a farm where the Senior El. Is presently located and the livestock that were traded in on a car were kept there for shipping in the spring and fall by rail.
In 1897 people living in Belleville were called Bellevillians and Belleville, even in the early ‘70s, was referred to as “in the front”. People would say that they were going “out front” and the common greeting on the street was “goodday”.
Alien lumber laborers were forbidden to work in Canada due to trade wars; precursors of to-day’s soft wood lumber disputes – when the Americans slapped a $2 duty on Canadian lumber. By the way, does anyone know what a “Water Napper” did? (A person who took water to the men working in the bush.)
Community correspondents were essential to the paper’s news. “What’s the matter with our Coe Hill correspondent?” questioned one editor.
Correspondents came from places like Wood, Cross Lake, Paudash, Brinklow, Wilberforce, and Porterville to name but a few. Can anyone tell me why Porterville was renamed Lake St. Peter?
Cheese factories were everywhere as indicated by such names as Cheddar Road (near Cardiff) and Cheddar Hill near Beechmount.
The Times reported that the Simcoe County Treasurer stole $64,000 (The $64,000 question?) and had headed for Mexico. At temperatures descending to -70 degrees F. men and women headed for the Yukon seeking gold and Lieutenant (pronounced ‘leff-tenant’) Peary took a three year leave from the navy to search for the North Pole.
The Times was full of school notices such as: DEAR TEACHER – “I DINK YOU ARE A FOOL. YOU WANT MY BOY TO READ WHEN HE DON’T HAVE NO AIFERBITS. PLEASE TEACH HIM SOME.”
“PLEASE EXCUSE FRITZ FOR STAYING HOME HE HAD DER MEASLES TO OBLIGE HIS FATHER.”
Our beloved Henry Taylor laughs when told that the old Hermon School records indicate a lot of absenteeism one winter. “My legs were too short and the snow was too deep,” he responds.
Another note went: “YOU MUST STOP TEACHING MY LIZZIE FISICAL TORTURE, SHE NEEDS YET READIN’ AND FIGURS MIT SUMS MORE AS THAT, IF I WANT HER TO DO JUMPING I KIN MAKE HER JUMP.”
And lawyers weren’t exempt. I am sure you have heard the current crop: “How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? (How many can you afford?)
Is this more cynical or perhaps a case of circumstantial evidence, circa 1897?
“Did the prisoner admit his guilt?”
“Practically. He sent for the most distinguished criminal lawyer in town.”
Bread sold by the pound at 11 cents for a 4 pound loaf.
Here is a Wedding to Remember.
“August 27 – Fifteen armed tramps surprised and captured the farm house of John P. Williams. Miss Williams and Mr. Frank Collins were to be married. The tramps drove the family and guests out, devoured the bridal supper and ransacked the house. All valuables were taken, including Mr. William’s coat, which contained the marriage licence. The wedding was postponed, the guests have formed a posse and ‘are now in pursuit of the tramps.’”
NAFTA? – Every canteen in Mexico sells Canadian whiskey.
“There is no hotel licence in Fort Stewart, but at the picnic there were half-a-dozen drunks and one man came nearly getting kicked to death. Who supplied these men with liquor?”
SPORTS – “There will be an interesting baseball match on Saturday when the Married vs. Single men will battle for supremacy.” (No comment.)
Bobby – “Uncle Joe, what’s a bigamist?”
Uncle Joe – “He is a man who gets sent to jail for thinking he is smart enough to manage two women at once.”
The Queerest Paper in the World – The Lancaster Argus, which is printed each month in the asylum for the insane at St. John, N.B. Every article is written by a lunatic, the editor is a lunatic, the type is set by lunatics and the pressman is a lunatic.”
LOCAL NEWS – Boulter – At a public religious gathering a venturesome individual took on himself the awful responsibility of kissing another man’s wife. This is something extraordinary and is causing no little comment in our quiet community. “One can only wonder if one of the Fort Stewart drunks had wandered over.”
By the way, contrary to some common thought, I don’t make these up.
CRIME- “Six murder trials are set down for trial in Ontario this fall…is distressing – the morals of the province seem not to be improving.” Followed by, “A horse belonging to Archie Cameron fell dead while standing in front of Wadsworth’s store.”
“The Treasurer of Frontenac County has disappeared with $27,000.”
“Mr. W. Gaebel lost a parcel of dried tobacco on the way from Ormsby. He has a good idea who picked it up, and with the assistance of a search warrant expects to locate it. The parcel is worth $5.”
As an aside, circa 1958, I lost 50% of my Globe & Mail customers when the paper increased in cost from 5 cents to 10 cents.
EDUCATION – “There was a vacancy in one of our district public schools recently and applications were received from 15 gentlemen and 39 ladies. If this sort of thing keeps on there will soon be nobody to do housework and saw wood.”
By the way, a teacher at Bancroft P.S. earned $400 a year.
HUNTING – “Close season has been extended for wild turkeys, prairie chicken and English pheasants to 1900. A deer licence cost $2.” (By comparison, in 2002, hunters paid $5.6 million for the same licences.)
The Boulter correspondent wrote: “One would suppose by the banging of guns down on the Madawaska that a ten field battery of British artillery had been ordered.”
Thanksgiving was celebrated on November 25.
TRAVEL was by water, horse, stage or shanks mare. “Messrs. Flynn & Caughlin of Maynooth will run a daily stage between Maynooth and Egan Estate. (Which was where?)
UNDER – Matters of More or Less Importance – to all of our Readers – “F.Mullett is paying $7 cash for No.1 trimmed beef hides.”
Maynooth – Mr. Patrick Coe left for Whitney with three camels. He expects to cross a desert on his way.
MORE PRICES – Dress goods: 15 cents to one dollar per yard; Men’s socks – from 9 cents a pair to 35 cents; Ladies shoes from 65 cents to $2 a pair (B. Haase.)
NOTES to the Druggist: “I have a cute pain in my child’s diagram. Please give my son something to release it.”
“My little baby has eat up its father’s parish plaster. Dend an antedote quick as possible by the enclosed little girl.”
“It is said that women criminals have larger hands and feet than the average woman.”
A paper in Germany recently told its readers that the Spanish fleet had bombarded Chicago. Hockey fans know it was really the Toronto Maple Leafs!
“Artificial teeth made of paper are furnished by the Dentists of Germany. They are very comfortable, retain their colour, are much lighter than the China teeth and decidedly low prices.”
HONEYMOON – An early Anglo-Saxon custom strictly followed by newly married couples was that of drinking diluted honey for 30 days after marriage. From this custom comes the word ‘honeymoon’ or ‘honeymonth’.
1898 – The postage rate for letters within the Dominion was REDUCED by 2 cents.
1899 – “There is a slump in the price of venison. There has been a drop in the price of hen fruit. Fresh eggs are now worth 15 cents a dozen.”
HOTEL SIGN – “Boarders taken by the day, week or month. Those not paying their bills promptly will be taken by the neck”.
MOBILE DENTIST – One of the passengers on the southbound stage was suffering from a severe toothache. His incessant growling was annoying the rest of the passengers. As it happened there was a dentist and Sheriff Hope aboard. Finally the Sheriff ordered the dentist to remove the offending tooth. While the Sheriff restrained the patient the dentist yanked the tooth – to the delight of all except the patient.
RELIGION – A woman evangelist in an address said: “There’s a man in this house who is untrue to his wife! I am going to throw this hymn book at him.” She raised the book as if she was going to throw it and every man but one ducked his head to avoid the book. Then she blistered the dodgers and lauded the one true man. Afterwards she learned that he was both deaf and dumb.
WHOPPER BLACK BEAR – Mr. William Connolly has returned home after spending two weeks hunting. He succeeded in killing four fine deer and one black bear which weighed fifteen (1500) pounds. And they talk about fishing stories!
KINGSTON – Ghouls broke into the vault at St. Mary’s cemetery, Kingston, and stole four bodies. They pulled the bodies out of the coffins and forced them through a small opening. The police are on the trail and interesting developments are expected. (Medical students?)
SCAM – A young man read in the paper the following ad: “Young man – some woman dearly loves you. Would you know who she is? Send ten cents to Occult: Divina and learn who she is.” He sent the 10 cents and got his answer. – “Mother!”
MARRIAGE – Will Roblin and Dorothy O’Neil were married here on Tuesday. The bride has seen but 14 summers.
HIGHLAND GROVE – Jake Dafoe picked up a house-keeper in Monmouth recently. The boys are planning a chivari.
Wm. Brown met with another accident. A scaffold on which he was standing gave way and he was thrown to the ground and received a severe shaking up. He also received a coat of paint.
AGRICULTURAL ANTIS? – An exchange wants the formation of a society for the prevention of cruelty to vegetation. Just think of digging the eyes out of potatoes, pulling the ears from corn, cutting the heads off cabbage, pulling the beard out of rye, cutting the heart out of a tree, spilling the blood of a beet, tearing the skin from a peach or breaking the neck of a squash.
FIRST ENGLISH SPARROW – “The legislature is offering rewards for our heads. Aren’t you scared?”
SECOND SPARROW – “No, I shan’t worry until they call us game and pass laws to protect us.”
UNDERTAKER HUMOUR – an oxymoron? (like pretty ugly) – Never play golf with an undertaker because he’ll always be on top at the last hole.
A note in THE TIMES suggested that simpler ceremonies might reduce the liability of catching a cold at funerals but at the same time it is obvious that in the very nature of things there is bound to be some COFFIN at every funeral. (The pun has been described as our most base form of humour. Remember, a day without puns is like a day without sunshine. There’s gloom for improvement.)
1902 PRICES – Men’s suits, $3 -$15; boy’s suits, $1.50 – $5.50; Bob’s tobacco, 35 cents a pound – at Kelusky’s.
DOWNTOWN – Sometime during Saturday night a number of store windows were smashed. The object does not appear to have been robbery. It was probably the work of some of the numerous drunks who are to be seen around the streets almost every night lately, a condition of affairs which is making Bancroft notorious. (In the early ‘70s the police used to go off duty around midnight and mainstreet Bancroft was then used as a drag strip for racers as some in this audience may recall.)
JOB AD – TEACHER – to teach school, keep books, and to tend store at a sawmill. And here’s one that may cause you to scratch your head. COATMAKER – Male or female, lacrosse player preferred.
“The wise school ma’am doesn’t wait till Arbor Day to plant a birch where it will do the most good.”
A teacher asked her pupils to write the longest sentence that they could think of. One little boy wrote: “Imprisonment for life.”
HEAVEN- A little girl asked her mother: “Mamma, I never saw a picture of an angel with a beard or moustache. Do men ever go to heaven?”
“Oh, yes!” replied her mother. “Men go to heaven, but it’s always a close shave for a man to get in.”
The Bancroft Library used to be housed in the basement of the town hall as was the jail (Talk about heavy penalties for overdue books!) and the theatre. It apparently wasn’t all that uncommon for a policeman to drag a drunk across the stage in the midst of a performance on the way to the holding cell.
AND FINALLY – Before I go I need your assistance in finishing the last line of this little ditty.
I love a finished speaker,
I really, truly do.
I don’t mean one who’s polished,
I just mean one who’s THROUGH!
THANK YOU and GOOD NIGHT.